When Desire Speaks

At first it was impossible to look at thee eyes
in a heart beat I'd look away without thy notice
I hesitated once, twice, .. maybe thousands of times
yet that strangest feeling comes undone
to overwhelm the body till it shivers
ever wondered what life was before you
wounded as deep as the ocean
my feet was dancing upon disappointments
until thy existence
here we are at the edge of our seats
jumping from the thrill of our exotic emotions
I look at thee eyes and all I feel is safe
as if wars never existed,
as if betrayal never happened,
as if the world is a piece of heaven
heaven on earth for real with him
O, the warmth thy love gives
a thunder of emotions and tears of joy
my love may live for centuries as I lay to sleep
every night I dream.. dream to be
the reason for thy warmth and joy of life
like a flower that blossoms when the sun shines
as the stars that shines when its dark
like the ocean and its endlessness
yet again.. words fails me now
but I'd imagine us holding hands
finding solace in each others arms
when you're in deep solitude
I' shall lift you up..
and when I'm slipping away to fall
you shall lift me up..
my hero?
my all
or not at all?
neither.. let our desire speaks a little bit more
as you shall remain my heart deepest desire.

Tales of Love, War and Snow

her stillness speaks  (part II)


He is the light that never fades
the blood to all my veins
of joy and delight in thy tales

today may be the happiest of all days
as you and I... walking side by side
hand in hand... down the aisle

my world stops then
as I see none, hear none..
but his grace now to eternity

believe me words doesn't find him justice
in time of union, to doubt is a human nature
we disbelief of love (s) ability in ending wars

a dream? may it be real.. O, please!
love is a sensible feeling
of confusion and messy emotions that overall so freeing!

a magical night of Lilies and strawberry wine
so lovely it burns thy eyes
of its holiness I walked down the aisle

a moment ago I lived the dream
of a heart deepest desire
a fairytale of sense and its sensibility

there under the heavy chandelier
at the dark end of the hall
I sat down to weep

"I.. Alexander ... promise to endue my life
and all of me to her enchanting beauty
and the kindest of all hearts."

to his words all seemed cheaper than the gold mines
rich at heart, of love that fills the spaces
such love that sets thy souls free

beyond all; it rained so heavily that night
I could barely breath
of shallowness couldn't identify which body of thee...

as he painted my sleeveless dress
blood and tears
still I walked down the aisle

"tell me your grace..
ever loved so deep it pains you?
ever lived on a memory so sweet it tears you?"

Indeed I've.. lived long before you
witnessed the great wars and genocides
walked among the living and their dead

cried for year until I lost my sight
of blindness I lived in such a lonely darkness
but the warmth, that he gave me is still alive

in the long snowy nights.. war ended
his pure love is what I lived for
pulsating inside of me as if I'm young again.

-The End-


Part I 

Road To Recovery

When in isolation
one is looking for hope
in these desperate times
all is lost

when in isolation
one wants love
crave a company 
yet to feel or breath is absolute bravery
spent years in solitude 
lost all feelings along the road

when in isolation
one is looking for something
that frees thy lost souls
to compromise or to fight endlessly
to cry or to laugh at thy funerals

we came a long way to pretend
pretend to be lovers
yet we once were
yes we loved one another
cherished the purity of our feelings

but all we ended up with
is a funeral of hearts
he looked at me with his hazel eyes
as if it is the end of life
but it was just the beginning of the story
it all escalated quickly 
reached its end within seconds
everything that is beautiful
everything that created life 
and brought joy into our hearts
all is lost

he said with desperation 
"you brought sunshine to my life
a light that shines all that's dark
break me once 
thousands of times
I'll love you still..
move forward with me and I'll give you the world
just love me endlessly."

that curiosity to get closer
just to know what words meant to her
and what kept them apart
to break free
and let those boundaries behind
she questioned his intentions 
with doubts and all of her fears
it occupied every mind

"do you even remember? 
our days of love and grace?
the innocence and purity we once had?"

he took her hand and placed it in his chest..
"all is lost
all is lost..
how we reached the end so soon?
we are strangers now
walking by
wandering around at the lonely nights
all we had is affection that's beyond!"

as we all had a history 
might be dark or just a lovely mystery 
I'd walk with you down to that road
the road to recovery
I'd cross miles and all the seas
for you and for the love you once gave me
but you left me empty handed
with your dishonesty that breaks every wall 
destroyed everything that's beautiful

When in isolation 
one is weak 
one is fragile
left alone with those strange feelings
with loss and despairs
and the overflow of thoughts
scattered all over with emptiness 
"a dead end we've reached I see"

we were like the kings and queens
world is ours
all bright and lovely
owned it all in one hand
we smiled, sang along to the stars
walked hand in hand by the shores
and had the waves as music to our ears
life .. what's life? when we had paradise?

a dream it seemed
or a past life of our sinful souls
"you say our love is eternal?
but you left me halfway, alone and broken
you say you'd die for me?
but you died in the arms of another.."

years and years passed
as I grew colder and colder
a stone hearted and less pitiful
"time heals you say?
how it can heals all sorrows
when scars is all that I've left"

in this long solitude
you finally want to surrender
let go of it all and just float like a feather
here I am.. sat down by blue seashore
recalling your last words..
as I wait for the lost guest
to knock on my door
maybe any minute now..

I do not believe all is lost..
yet with every tragic loss
there's a light
that eventually shines on.

The good, the bad and the ugly

That's just a draft I've not been able to finish but thought to post something new as I've not been for a while.


The good, the bad and the ugly ..


At a heart beat I've found you
Across the room I felt the need to speak
Among the crowd I craved only thee

A smile or a grin
Didn't matter at all
Just a look at his face warms me all

Though I've not catch your name
Yet emotions are flowing like the river
Overwhelmed by it all with every heart beat

I know it was you
All along it was you
The one my heart wants

What we seek is what we get
Good, bad or ugly
Good we love .. Bad we barley talk .. Ugly we could never be

But truth is I've finally found my missing piece
Finally the sun shines and the sky is blue again
As if I'm in a dream

With all I've conquered
And all I've witnessed
The minute your eyes catches mine I feel safe

I might have fallen for you
But it's strange how my past isn't haunting me
Strange how peaceful life is with you

Yes love and what's not
We are here now
Born again.

Lames

this is a tribute to my courageous friend Lames Dirbas, who passed away on March 17



To live with a hole in your heart
Of her memories it pains me all
As I went through her messages
I shed a tear

How can I bare the grieve
Ah I know I am no longer breathing
Happiness is lost
When there's no you

Cry no more I said to myself
Yet I'm here weeping, grieving over and over
With the thought of you
I die from the inside every single time

You were a star to admire
A light that shined every soulless life
You were the hope
The strength of every heartbreak

Everything beautiful..
That was you
A true friend
That I'll remember with every heartbeat

I'll treasure your memories
And with every passing minute I'll miss you
Here I'm with eyes full of tears
Nothing can disclose the pain I feel

Yet I feel lucky to had the chance to know you
I feel special and thankful
But for sure my dear Lames
Is eternally a shining star

Tales of Love, War and Snow

Laid to rest (part I)

ever wondered what's behind her smile?
hmm! a fairytale or a journey of struggle?
ever loved or disappoint the lonely hearts?
of her beauty and fullness vanity

she's my storyteller, the light of my days
here I am thinking again of her sweet scent
over my chest I'd imagine her sleep
to set by my side and sing her melodies

the sweet love I crave thee presence
let O mind to travel elsewhere
Oh above and beyond its greatest expectations
I have lost it all but is her what matters

tears they'd fall every night for her
as my love rises in my heart for her
wasting more days and nights seeking her
O death in life, my days are short so as my patience

for all I know her face keeps the heart beating
and when words comes out of her beautiful mouth
I only hear songs about us
songs that brings peace and deep as love

as I ran wild all these years
never thought to be a prisoner here
the saddest places of all here is Paris
and in Paris is where my love resigns

it pains me to see you from miles between
as you paint my walls black and cream
to see through the empty glass
"Oh I need more wine!"

of emptiness I need to fill
and to escape those real images for a little while
this is my bits and pieces for your grace
served on a silver plate

I look at her and I see freedom
I see dreams and home
and beauty that burns me eye
I'd be blind or a fool you decide

yes every man is a fool
whose heart doesn't belong to his chest anymore
a man that sneak in the night like a thief
and loses his words like a coward in the day
oh kill me but don't let me live with hopelessness

as I stand in my darkest hour
in a bath of my blood
but can't see or think clearly
with dead roses on my other hand

What Lies Beneath

At the beginning patience was my friend
As every friendship has its end
looking back at time, you conquered my mind
you were the meaning of life, the best friend I ever had
I fell hard, that wasn't my will
and deep as the depth of the well
drowning with grieve yet I wept of sympathy
you swept me off my feet willingly
as the sun rises, I hope to see your face
to smell your sensual perfume
of mangos and silver sagebursh
as I crave the essence of your mouth
we lived for the creation of our dreams
Dreamt of us running with all the white horses
Never had the chance to grant you my world love
Yet every day with you is paradise
try to love me for my purity
for all the wild choices and insanity
I could change the game rules
But we wont be able to reach the edges
remember the innocence and the long days of solitude?
your curiosity to know my name?
we were eager to speak, eager to greet one another
Togetherness is our ultimate weapon of endless power
say something as my glass is running half empty
or let me tell you all of my feelings towards hopelessness; if I may?
I spoke of you and your grace
Then my words were lost as I saw your face
I loved you then, now and every bit of you from a far
as I sat to watch you fully love another
you see my dear, I had patience on my side
I let go for a little while with whole lots of love
as I watched my dreams drifting away by the river
I'll always smile as your memory is so dear
of joy and loveliness you brought to me
you; is very humble and full of elegance
Like a white horse with hazel eyes
I shall adore thy image and charming breezes
Until we give up on the emptiness of silence
yet you'll always give me chills till my heart trembles.