Road To Recovery

When in isolation
one is looking for hope
in these desperate times
all is lost

when in isolation
one wants love
crave a company 
yet to feel or breath is absolute bravery
spent years in solitude 
lost all feelings along the road

when in isolation
one is looking for something
that frees thy lost souls
to compromise or to fight endlessly
to cry or to laugh at thy funerals

we came a long way to pretend
pretend to be lovers
yet we once were
yes we loved one another
cherished the purity of our feelings

but all we ended up with
is a funeral of hearts
he looked at me with his hazel eyes
as if it is the end of life
but it was just the beginning of the story
it all escalated quickly 
reached its end within seconds
everything that is beautiful
everything that created life 
and brought joy into our hearts
all is lost

he said with desperation 
"you brought sunshine to my life
a light that shines all that's dark
break me once 
thousands of times
I'll love you still..
move forward with me and I'll give you the world
just love me endlessly."

that curiosity to get closer
just to know what words meant to her
and what kept them apart
to break free
and let those boundaries behind
she questioned his intentions 
with doubts and all of her fears
it occupied every mind

"do you even remember? 
our days of love and grace?
the innocence and purity we once had?"

he took her hand and placed it in his chest..
"all is lost
all is lost..
how we reached the end so soon?
we are strangers now
walking by
wandering around at the lonely nights
all we had is affection that's beyond!"

as we all had a history 
might be dark or just a lovely mystery 
I'd walk with you down to that road
the road to recovery
I'd cross miles and all the seas
for you and for the love you once gave me
but you left me empty handed
with your dishonesty that breaks every wall 
destroyed everything that's beautiful

When in isolation 
one is weak 
one is fragile
left alone with those strange feelings
with loss and despairs
and the overflow of thoughts
scattered all over with emptiness 
"a dead end we've reached I see"

we were like the kings and queens
world is ours
all bright and lovely
owned it all in one hand
we smiled, sang along to the stars
walked hand in hand by the shores
and had the waves as music to our ears
life .. what's life? when we had paradise?

a dream it seemed
or a past life of our sinful souls
"you say our love is eternal?
but you left me halfway, alone and broken
you say you'd die for me?
but you died in the arms of another.."

years and years passed
as I grew colder and colder
a stone hearted and less pitiful
"time heals you say?
how it can heals all sorrows
when scars is all that I've left"

in this long solitude
you finally want to surrender
let go of it all and just float like a feather
here I am.. sat down by blue seashore
recalling your last words..
as I wait for the lost guest
to knock on my door
maybe any minute now..

I do not believe all is lost..
yet with every tragic loss
there's a light
that eventually shines on.

The good, the bad and the ugly

That's just a draft I've not been able to finish but thought to post something new as I've not been for a while.


The good, the bad and the ugly ..


At a heart beat I've found you
Across the room I felt the need to speak
Among the crowd I craved only thee

A smile or a grin
Didn't matter at all
Just a look at his face warms me all

Though I've not catch your name
Yet emotions are flowing like the river
Overwhelmed by it all with every heart beat

I know it was you
All along it was you
The one my heart wants

What we seek is what we get
Good, bad or ugly
Good we love .. Bad we barley talk .. Ugly we could never be

But truth is I've finally found my missing piece
Finally the sun shines and the sky is blue again
As if I'm in a dream

With all I've conquered
And all I've witnessed
The minute your eyes catches mine I feel safe

I might have fallen for you
But it's strange how my past isn't haunting me
Strange how peaceful life is with you

Yes love and what's not
We are here now
Born again.

Lames

this is a tribute to my courageous friend Lames Dirbas, who passed away on March 17



To live with a hole in your heart
Of her memories it pains me all
As I went through her messages
I shed a tear

How can I bare the grieve
Ah I know I am no longer breathing
Happiness is lost
When there's no you

Cry no more I said to myself
Yet I'm here weeping, grieving over and over
With the thought of you
I die from the inside every single time

You were a star to admire
A light that shined every soulless life
You were the hope
The strength of every heartbreak

Everything beautiful..
That was you
A true friend
That I'll remember with every heartbeat

I'll treasure your memories
And with every passing minute I'll miss you
Here I'm with eyes full of tears
Nothing can disclose the pain I feel

Yet I feel lucky to had the chance to know you
I feel special and thankful
But for sure my dear Lames
Is eternally a shining star

Tales of Love, War and Snow

Laid to rest (part I)

ever wondered what's behind her smile?
hmm! a fairytale or a journey of struggle?
ever loved or disappoint the lonely hearts?
of her beauty and fullness vanity

she's my storyteller, the light of my days
here I am thinking again of her sweet scent
over my chest I'd imagine her sleep
to set by my side and sing her melodies

the sweet love I crave thee presence
let O mind to travel elsewhere
Oh above and beyond its greatest expectations
I have lost it all but is her what matters

tears they'd fall every night for her
as my love rises in my heart for her
wasting more days and nights seeking her
O death in life, my days are short so as my patience

for all I know her face keeps the heart beating
and when words comes out of her beautiful mouth
I only hear songs about us
songs that brings peace and deep as love

as I ran wild all these years
never thought to be a prisoner here
the saddest places of all here is Paris
and in Paris is where my love resigns

it pains me to see you from miles between
as you paint my walls black and cream
to see through the empty glass
"Oh I need more wine!"

of emptiness I need to fill
and to escape those real images for a little while
this is my bits and pieces for your grace
served on a silver plate

I look at her and I see freedom
I see dreams and home
and beauty that burns me eye
I'd be blind or a fool you decide

yes every man is a fool
whose heart doesn't belong to his chest anymore
a man that sneak in the night like a thief
and loses his words like a coward in the day
oh kill me but don't let me live with hopelessness

as I stand in my darkest hour
in a bath of my blood
but can't see or think clearly
with dead roses on my other hand

What Lies Beneath

At the beginning patience was my friend
As every friendship has its end
looking back at time, you conquered my mind
you were the meaning of life, the best friend I ever had
I fell hard, that wasn't my will
and deep as the depth of the well
drowning with grieve yet I wept of sympathy
you swept me off my feet willingly
as the sun rises, I hope to see your face
to smell your sensual perfume
of mangos and silver sagebursh
as I crave the essence of your mouth
we lived for the creation of our dreams
Dreamt of us running with all the white horses
Never had the chance to grant you my world love
Yet every day with you is paradise
try to love me for my purity
for all the wild choices and insanity
I could change the game rules
But we wont be able to reach the edges
remember the innocence and the long days of solitude?
your curiosity to know my name?
we were eager to speak, eager to greet one another
Togetherness is our ultimate weapon of endless power
say something as my glass is running half empty
or let me tell you all of my feelings towards hopelessness; if I may?
I spoke of you and your grace
Then my words were lost as I saw your face
I loved you then, now and every bit of you from a far
as I sat to watch you fully love another
you see my dear, I had patience on my side
I let go for a little while with whole lots of love
as I watched my dreams drifting away by the river
I'll always smile as your memory is so dear
of joy and loveliness you brought to me
you; is very humble and full of elegance
Like a white horse with hazel eyes
I shall adore thy image and charming breezes
Until we give up on the emptiness of silence
yet you'll always give me chills till my heart trembles.

The Oath

Everytime my mind takes me to far destinations
as I walk through a field of flowers
no pain I feel then but sunlight burning me skins
to escape the torture and all the disasters
I remember his grace with full powers
let me live for the sake of our ill fathers
couldn't taste victory for so many hours
upon us the sun shall rises
and the moon will visit us with all its darkness
we dive in to reach the beautiful shores
can only think of his face in the crowds
all of 'em are full of agony and speak only lies
to deceive us and take away our beautiful lives
as they walk and cross the empty lands
seeking empathy within the frozen grounds
looking above and beyond for the merciful lords
let me keep my life for me to feed their souls
we'll bring you our daughters
and grants you our lands
but laughter comes to mind; I am fool that only obeys
my land is heavenly green with million of roses
where you can fulfill that filthy desires
but you will not find the love of your families
as they lay beneath the gloomy grounds
I call out the army of braves
of our brothers and sisters
fight for your precious lives
follow thee light across our dark forests
pray for death to be easy upon your souls
them tears will dry out and you'll smile without reasons
now I understand why we hide behind our shadows
rather thinking it's what we see, it's never our reflections
as the raven fly over the dead bodies
I hear you breathing and them eyes full of fears
as I come near I see pain, I see terror; I see tears
your voice crumbled as you surrendered to them angels

"take my sorrows
take my soul, my emptiness
I beg thee lord of fires and lights
stop my heartbeats
give me those warm hugs
and leave me with cold in my limbs
then all terror within me soul dies
for peace to finally come upon me alls."

The path to demise

Oh the little things I've shared
The shameful secrets I've buried
Of love and sufferings for long ages
And hath been still life and your loveliness
You keep my head off the fears of hopeless future
The fears that made me forcibly dig my grave to die
Among the field of civil warfare
We never thought we would survive
The land of betrayal and bravery
Has fallen upon the kingdom of putridity
What's worse than a brave man's iniquity
Shedding tears over the greatest loss for eternity
We are the men and women of the greatest civilization
Don't tell the lonely heart of your silly victimization
Oh my land, my beautiful cold home
You are forever gone
I shouldn't leave with blood on my hands
Alone to face the dreadful truth
That your noble men brought upon us
They are the fallen men of arms
the loner grieved over the wasted years
God will not protect us nor the innocents
We shouldn't leave, we are the victims of cruel high authority
But instead we surrendered to the trickery
There's fire inside of us of anger and vanity
But you left me with no choice but to choose dishonesty
I will burn in hell for sure
Lived for them desires as it always have been for me
I can't be saved, nor my God will
Whatever belief you follow, you are a noble girl
I'd force you to grant me mortality
But what's the use of living with raging knavery
There's a life ahead of me I believe
A life that's not pale
Do you remember when we lost the light
We lost everything and left thousands of bodies to rot
The root of true love to that land is sinful
at then I paid off for my lousy deeds till I'm pitiful
It is tremendously cold inside
Yet the inside not awakening from its strife
Fighting all the senses with the name of religion
Questioning my sanity was my strongest burden
I'll let you dream of tomorrow's sunrises
So you may live as one of its heroes
If you recall your beliefs I'll serve you
Bend my knees for you
Just give me back my right
My broken soul and my bright
For those lost memoir I want to rise
From ashes to strong doctrine
Let me dream and surrender to your grace
Let me lead the path of demise
From all what is dark and all the inner sorrows
And for our fallen men and their lonely widows
I sense a fortune coming for me
But never forget to be humble so you can happily live
There's no place for worrying
No chance to have fears as long as I'm among the living
My faith shall never be brittle
And I can't give you my love that's little
So long you lonely heart
Leave that empty life for fear it might hurt
Wasted the last few years in a torment
Never thought to find hope in hell
These last few years were tragic, farewell
We shed so many tears yet I love you dearly
Let me say the last words with tears and all that's holy
With an open heart and complete honesty
In prayer for you, I must leave soon
With the few good memories that's poor
Don't lead me astray
But fly me to the blue sky
To see the Astros in the lonely nights
O you fascinate my tearful eyes
I'll treasure you but never be flattered
I can live away from you yet I will remain scattered