When Desire Speaks

At first it was impossible to look at thee eyes
in a heart beat I'd look away without thy notice
I hesitated once, twice, .. maybe thousands of times
yet that strangest feeling comes undone
to overwhelm the body till it shivers
ever wondered what life was before you
wounded as deep as the ocean
my feet was dancing upon disappointments
until thy existence
here we are at the edge of our seats
jumping from the thrill of our exotic emotions
I look at thee eyes and all I feel is safe
as if wars never existed,
as if betrayal never happened,
as if the world is a piece of heaven
heaven on earth for real with him
O, the warmth thy love gives
a thunder of emotions and tears of joy
my love may live for centuries as I lay to sleep
every night I dream.. dream to be
the reason for thy warmth and joy of life
like a flower that blossoms when the sun shines
as the stars that shines when its dark
like the ocean and its endlessness
yet again.. words fails me now
but I'd imagine us holding hands
finding solace in each others arms
when you're in deep solitude
I' shall lift you up..
and when I'm slipping away to fall
you shall lift me up..
my hero?
my all
or not at all?
neither.. let our desire speaks a little bit more
as you shall remain my heart deepest desire.

Tales of Love, War and Snow

her stillness speaks  (part II)


He is the light that never fades
the blood to all my veins
of joy and delight in thy tales

today may be the happiest of all days
as you and I... walking side by side
hand in hand... down the aisle

my world stops then
as I see none, hear none..
but his grace now to eternity

believe me words doesn't find him justice
in time of union, to doubt is a human nature
we disbelief of love (s) ability in ending wars

a dream? may it be real.. O, please!
love is a sensible feeling
of confusion and messy emotions that overall so freeing!

a magical night of Lilies and strawberry wine
so lovely it burns thy eyes
of its holiness I walked down the aisle

a moment ago I lived the dream
of a heart deepest desire
a fairytale of sense and its sensibility

there under the heavy chandelier
at the dark end of the hall
I sat down to weep

"I.. Alexander ... promise to endue my life
and all of me to her enchanting beauty
and the kindest of all hearts."

to his words all seemed cheaper than the gold mines
rich at heart, of love that fills the spaces
such love that sets thy souls free

beyond all; it rained so heavily that night
I could barely breath
of shallowness couldn't identify which body of thee...

as he painted my sleeveless dress
blood and tears
still I walked down the aisle

"tell me your grace..
ever loved so deep it pains you?
ever lived on a memory so sweet it tears you?"

Indeed I've.. lived long before you
witnessed the great wars and genocides
walked among the living and their dead

cried for year until I lost my sight
of blindness I lived in such a lonely darkness
but the warmth, that he gave me is still alive

in the long snowy nights.. war ended
his pure love is what I lived for
pulsating inside of me as if I'm young again.

-The End-


Part I 

Road To Recovery

When in isolation
one is looking for hope
in these desperate times
all is lost

when in isolation
one wants love
crave a company 
yet to feel or breath is absolute bravery
spent years in solitude 
lost all feelings along the road

when in isolation
one is looking for something
that frees thy lost souls
to compromise or to fight endlessly
to cry or to laugh at thy funerals

we came a long way to pretend
pretend to be lovers
yet we once were
yes we loved one another
cherished the purity of our feelings

but all we ended up with
is a funeral of hearts
he looked at me with his hazel eyes
as if it is the end of life
but it was just the beginning of the story
it all escalated quickly 
reached its end within seconds
everything that is beautiful
everything that created life 
and brought joy into our hearts
all is lost

he said with desperation 
"you brought sunshine to my life
a light that shines all that's dark
break me once 
thousands of times
I'll love you still..
move forward with me and I'll give you the world
just love me endlessly."

that curiosity to get closer
just to know what words meant to her
and what kept them apart
to break free
and let those boundaries behind
she questioned his intentions 
with doubts and all of her fears
it occupied every mind

"do you even remember? 
our days of love and grace?
the innocence and purity we once had?"

he took her hand and placed it in his chest..
"all is lost
all is lost..
how we reached the end so soon?
we are strangers now
walking by
wandering around at the lonely nights
all we had is affection that's beyond!"

as we all had a history 
might be dark or just a lovely mystery 
I'd walk with you down to that road
the road to recovery
I'd cross miles and all the seas
for you and for the love you once gave me
but you left me empty handed
with your dishonesty that breaks every wall 
destroyed everything that's beautiful

When in isolation 
one is weak 
one is fragile
left alone with those strange feelings
with loss and despairs
and the overflow of thoughts
scattered all over with emptiness 
"a dead end we've reached I see"

we were like the kings and queens
world is ours
all bright and lovely
owned it all in one hand
we smiled, sang along to the stars
walked hand in hand by the shores
and had the waves as music to our ears
life .. what's life? when we had paradise?

a dream it seemed
or a past life of our sinful souls
"you say our love is eternal?
but you left me halfway, alone and broken
you say you'd die for me?
but you died in the arms of another.."

years and years passed
as I grew colder and colder
a stone hearted and less pitiful
"time heals you say?
how it can heals all sorrows
when scars is all that I've left"

in this long solitude
you finally want to surrender
let go of it all and just float like a feather
here I am.. sat down by blue seashore
recalling your last words..
as I wait for the lost guest
to knock on my door
maybe any minute now..

I do not believe all is lost..
yet with every tragic loss
there's a light
that eventually shines on.

The good, the bad and the ugly

That's just a draft I've not been able to finish but thought to post something new as I've not been for a while.


The good, the bad and the ugly ..


At a heart beat I've found you
Across the room I felt the need to speak
Among the crowd I craved only thee

A smile or a grin
Didn't matter at all
Just a look at his face warms me all

Though I've not catch your name
Yet emotions are flowing like the river
Overwhelmed by it all with every heart beat

I know it was you
All along it was you
The one my heart wants

What we seek is what we get
Good, bad or ugly
Good we love .. Bad we barley talk .. Ugly we could never be

But truth is I've finally found my missing piece
Finally the sun shines and the sky is blue again
As if I'm in a dream

With all I've conquered
And all I've witnessed
The minute your eyes catches mine I feel safe

I might have fallen for you
But it's strange how my past isn't haunting me
Strange how peaceful life is with you

Yes love and what's not
We are here now
Born again.

Lames

this is a tribute to my courageous friend Lames Dirbas, who passed away on March 17



To live with a hole in your heart
Of her memories it pains me all
As I went through her messages
I shed a tear

How can I bare the grieve
Ah I know I am no longer breathing
Happiness is lost
When there's no you

Cry no more I said to myself
Yet I'm here weeping, grieving over and over
With the thought of you
I die from the inside every single time

You were a star to admire
A light that shined every soulless life
You were the hope
The strength of every heartbreak

Everything beautiful..
That was you
A true friend
That I'll remember with every heartbeat

I'll treasure your memories
And with every passing minute I'll miss you
Here I'm with eyes full of tears
Nothing can disclose the pain I feel

Yet I feel lucky to had the chance to know you
I feel special and thankful
But for sure my dear Lames
Is eternally a shining star

Tales of Love, War and Snow

Laid to rest (part I)

ever wondered what's behind her smile?
hmm! a fairytale or a journey of struggle?
ever loved or disappoint the lonely hearts?
of her beauty and fullness vanity

she's my storyteller, the light of my days
here I am thinking again of her sweet scent
over my chest I'd imagine her sleep
to set by my side and sing her melodies

the sweet love I crave thee presence
let O mind to travel elsewhere
Oh above and beyond its greatest expectations
I have lost it all but is her what matters

tears they'd fall every night for her
as my love rises in my heart for her
wasting more days and nights seeking her
O death in life, my days are short so as my patience

for all I know her face keeps the heart beating
and when words comes out of her beautiful mouth
I only hear songs about us
songs that brings peace and deep as love

as I ran wild all these years
never thought to be a prisoner here
the saddest places of all here is Paris
and in Paris is where my love resigns

it pains me to see you from miles between
as you paint my walls black and cream
to see through the empty glass
"Oh I need more wine!"

of emptiness I need to fill
and to escape those real images for a little while
this is my bits and pieces for your grace
served on a silver plate

I look at her and I see freedom
I see dreams and home
and beauty that burns me eye
I'd be blind or a fool you decide

yes every man is a fool
whose heart doesn't belong to his chest anymore
a man that sneak in the night like a thief
and loses his words like a coward in the day
oh kill me but don't let me live with hopelessness

as I stand in my darkest hour
in a bath of my blood
but can't see or think clearly
with dead roses on my other hand

What Lies Beneath

At the beginning patience was my friend
As every friendship has its end
looking back at time, you conquered my mind
you were the meaning of life, the best friend I ever had
I fell hard, that wasn't my will
and deep as the depth of the well
drowning with grieve yet I wept of sympathy
you swept me off my feet willingly
as the sun rises, I hope to see your face
to smell your sensual perfume
of mangos and silver sagebursh
as I crave the essence of your mouth
we lived for the creation of our dreams
Dreamt of us running with all the white horses
Never had the chance to grant you my world love
Yet every day with you is paradise
try to love me for my purity
for all the wild choices and insanity
I could change the game rules
But we wont be able to reach the edges
remember the innocence and the long days of solitude?
your curiosity to know my name?
we were eager to speak, eager to greet one another
Togetherness is our ultimate weapon of endless power
say something as my glass is running half empty
or let me tell you all of my feelings towards hopelessness; if I may?
I spoke of you and your grace
Then my words were lost as I saw your face
I loved you then, now and every bit of you from a far
as I sat to watch you fully love another
you see my dear, I had patience on my side
I let go for a little while with whole lots of love
as I watched my dreams drifting away by the river
I'll always smile as your memory is so dear
of joy and loveliness you brought to me
you; is very humble and full of elegance
Like a white horse with hazel eyes
I shall adore thy image and charming breezes
Until we give up on the emptiness of silence
yet you'll always give me chills till my heart trembles.

The Oath

Everytime my mind takes me to far destinations
as I walk through a field of flowers
no pain I feel then but sunlight burning me skins
to escape the torture and all the disasters
I remember his grace with full powers
let me live for the sake of our ill fathers
couldn't taste victory for so many hours
upon us the sun shall rises
and the moon will visit us with all its darkness
we dive in to reach the beautiful shores
can only think of his face in the crowds
all of 'em are full of agony and speak only lies
to deceive us and take away our beautiful lives
as they walk and cross the empty lands
seeking empathy within the frozen grounds
looking above and beyond for the merciful lords
let me keep my life for me to feed their souls
we'll bring you our daughters
and grants you our lands
but laughter comes to mind; I am fool that only obeys
my land is heavenly green with million of roses
where you can fulfill that filthy desires
but you will not find the love of your families
as they lay beneath the gloomy grounds
I call out the army of braves
of our brothers and sisters
fight for your precious lives
follow thee light across our dark forests
pray for death to be easy upon your souls
them tears will dry out and you'll smile without reasons
now I understand why we hide behind our shadows
rather thinking it's what we see, it's never our reflections
as the raven fly over the dead bodies
I hear you breathing and them eyes full of fears
as I come near I see pain, I see terror; I see tears
your voice crumbled as you surrendered to them angels

"take my sorrows
take my soul, my emptiness
I beg thee lord of fires and lights
stop my heartbeats
give me those warm hugs
and leave me with cold in my limbs
then all terror within me soul dies
for peace to finally come upon me alls."

The path to demise

Oh the little things I've shared
The shameful secrets I've buried
Of love and sufferings for long ages
And hath been still life and your loveliness
You keep my head off the fears of hopeless future
The fears that made me forcibly dig my grave to die
Among the field of civil warfare
We never thought we would survive
The land of betrayal and bravery
Has fallen upon the kingdom of putridity
What's worse than a brave man's iniquity
Shedding tears over the greatest loss for eternity
We are the men and women of the greatest civilization
Don't tell the lonely heart of your silly victimization
Oh my land, my beautiful cold home
You are forever gone
I shouldn't leave with blood on my hands
Alone to face the dreadful truth
That your noble men brought upon us
They are the fallen men of arms
the loner grieved over the wasted years
God will not protect us nor the innocents
We shouldn't leave, we are the victims of cruel high authority
But instead we surrendered to the trickery
There's fire inside of us of anger and vanity
But you left me with no choice but to choose dishonesty
I will burn in hell for sure
Lived for them desires as it always have been for me
I can't be saved, nor my God will
Whatever belief you follow, you are a noble girl
I'd force you to grant me mortality
But what's the use of living with raging knavery
There's a life ahead of me I believe
A life that's not pale
Do you remember when we lost the light
We lost everything and left thousands of bodies to rot
The root of true love to that land is sinful
at then I paid off for my lousy deeds till I'm pitiful
It is tremendously cold inside
Yet the inside not awakening from its strife
Fighting all the senses with the name of religion
Questioning my sanity was my strongest burden
I'll let you dream of tomorrow's sunrises
So you may live as one of its heroes
If you recall your beliefs I'll serve you
Bend my knees for you
Just give me back my right
My broken soul and my bright
For those lost memoir I want to rise
From ashes to strong doctrine
Let me dream and surrender to your grace
Let me lead the path of demise
From all what is dark and all the inner sorrows
And for our fallen men and their lonely widows
I sense a fortune coming for me
But never forget to be humble so you can happily live
There's no place for worrying
No chance to have fears as long as I'm among the living
My faith shall never be brittle
And I can't give you my love that's little
So long you lonely heart
Leave that empty life for fear it might hurt
Wasted the last few years in a torment
Never thought to find hope in hell
These last few years were tragic, farewell
We shed so many tears yet I love you dearly
Let me say the last words with tears and all that's holy
With an open heart and complete honesty
In prayer for you, I must leave soon
With the few good memories that's poor
Don't lead me astray
But fly me to the blue sky
To see the Astros in the lonely nights
O you fascinate my tearful eyes
I'll treasure you but never be flattered
I can live away from you yet I will remain scattered

Flowing Tears

How about now little stars
how about you heal my scars
and then we can fly over the green hills
instead of wandering around like lunatics

Go let me be.. further than the cloudy skies
let me go to walk alone with tears in my eyes
I've had enough with this torment to see you smile from a far, hurts deeply
just let me go so I can live and breath peacefully

As it begun with the touch of thee
the love and friendship that everyone seek(s)
got me patiently waiting to sleep beside you that's my wonderland(s)
to put my head over your chest and hear your heart beat(s)

It drove me away to the deep sorrow of the seas
pain was my companion all this years
till I almost collapsed with pain deep in my bones
I was held in awe that left me with permanent bruises

We spent the days drawing the lines
of love and future is bright we thought, just to enjoy the last days
but we fell hard, harder than ever
to drown deeper and deeper

To hear the voices of hope, grant me a chance to walk on the ground
to walk through fields of Orchid
dreams can be real if we want them to be, for that I am hungry and starved
I tried everyday to heal all of me yet the body is still terribly wounded

I found solace through your eyes
the beauty of the deep blue skies
while listening to your singing voice
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to my life

What an astonishment! One day you broke me
and one day you bring me back to life
I want to be free again, free from the curse you call love
honestly freedom is irrelevant these days as I want you to be my estate

I crave for you .. my body crave yours till the end
those beautiful emotions are dead and gone for one touch of the hand
let me be I beg!
your love is cancer taking all over my body.. let me be I beg!!

What's the harm for romance to be true and pure?
wondering ..  Would it be heaven or  a pandemonium life?
I lost the words .. I lost my way back home
that's when I lost you, you are my home!

Slowly I drove back to inferno of the mind and soul
there's always light at the end of the road, that's worth the ordeal
I believed in you, as if you're the lord of love ... that slice of belief never died
"clear your mind and your heart of fancies and let him go"

How can this man love with agony and hateful thoughts?
how can he enjoy your body, your pure love when he pleases?
she must die, horribly
she must leave to breath easily.. I perceive your agony piteously

fly while you can you pure dove with all of your sensations
fly over the field of Orchids
to play on bed of roses and drink to our lasting sins
over him and empress the blue seas

Listen to my wisdom, listen to me with full attention
"Better to die than love another
better to drown than be with a stranger
stranger to my heart, stranger to my body and soul
yet I shed no tear, those moments were of no avail"

That's the fall and rise of me
hope made me walk through the sea
traveled the world and flew over the dark skies
to forget, to find what I have been missing over the past ten years

I will be here standing under the rain, alive!
waiting in the cold, fire for all I care
with the flowing tears, thinking of you and me
of paradise to comfort me when I am wary and alone

Let us speak again, once every year
let us love one another like we never lost the war
let us rise and never fall to finally pursuit our dreams
of hope inside that fully encounters us

Farewell

There is no power on earth that brings the dead from their graves
Our imagination that feeds the filthy minds
To tell our tragedy and millions of misfortunes
Of whom to seek and opens the door to our simple empty lives

There is  nothing I should like so much as you
If only I could close my eyes and see only you
To think of thee "Oh dear why do I have to weep?"
"Some things are never meant to be, but I'm never here"

I know you did not meant to leave . But fate had to play its role
To put such emotions into words brought death to me
Felt there is no tomorrow without his love near
Only sorrow and beneath my smile, there is nothing to fear

Dear, as I hope for God's bliss awaiting his mercy to be upon me
I wrote those words of love, affection and hope
Let me tell you few last words, may this be remembered for centuries
In the history of humankind, love lived among wars, slaughters and diseases

We once walked through fire, holding hands and no regrets ever passed through our minds
To let love warmth our souls and heal our injured bodies
Not thinking of what obstacle we could face next but loving you forever was enough
Enough to bring my soul to see heaven on earth

I could not imagine life without your presence, your cold hands and your crackled voice
It was sweet melody to my ears... A voice of an angel
You are my only angel that ever existed in earth and furthermore
Bring me light for when I see the beauty of your face

Take me home where I can hear you singing to my ears
Where I can keep feeling your presence near
Even in my heart I know you are never here
Oh farewell my empty lovely soul

farewell my blue eyes angel
I doubted your love once
I thought your heart was made of stone
For when at night I feel your cold body as if you walked on ice

But everyday we relive our fairytales
We meet under the light of the sun so I can see the loveliness of your eyes
When I look at you I see blue skies, oceans... I see paradise
My story is true as a beating heart... Never had a free choice

But to love you forever .. That was the act of hearts
The mind is weak, fragile and worthless
Has no power upon me to control those messy feelings
Oh darling what have you done to me.. You took me to heaven  while my mind is gone far beyond madness

"Everything made sense at that time, fell for the lies and kindness you showed
But my feelings were stronger than silly paranoia"
"We are worthless now, we know the truth of our intentions. We both were aiming for salvation but at the end we lost the love."

I knew from the very start of our silly tale
I'd love you forever with all the doubts inside
You were on my mind,, since you walked through that door
Those endless moments of despair

It will always be yours.. Only yours
With all the passing years
And distance that seems faraway
My heart is yours for eternity

But what is the point when we have lost what is ours
When we fought for long till dreams were lost for us
When blue turned to gray till it reached darkness
Still one thing remains.. The beating heart

Wake up, we still have time to live
To breath once more
And breath evermore like there's no sword pointed at our throats
Like flying angels over the wide oceans

"Never mind .. It dies at the end
It doesn't matter what I feel
Or what I'm going through without you
If you are not by my side .. I don't exist"

I rather die from loneliness than look back
To forgive you for taking away my smile
But I shall believe no one..
Nor trust no man.. Till I finally peacefully die with no one by my side

Farewell blue eyes angel, farewell ...
We will keep lying to ourselves
That we are not broken anymore
Truth won't be fixed .. The heart is made of glass

I know why she cries (part II)

Their mind is like a tree in the winter
that'll never get any greener
no chance of getting better
they'll never hide from the eye of the beholder

Margrate: Tell me your story
Katherine: my story? You think I'd tell you that easily?
Margrate: didn't you ask me to write it on those wet papers?!
Katherine: well not today, when the sun rises

Margrate: But the sun rises every day, Madam!!
*my bones are shivering, I feel the cold inside her room*
*and that weird silence*
*she kept staring at her window, and I had to leave*

everyday she give me chills with her dark words
everyday  she prove to me how lonely she feels
how creepy she's and quite mysterious
only her beauty charms all  souls

I ran with my bared feet
*I've to tell Bill about this secret*
*oh what if he got mad, he will probably leave me*
*suddenly I can't feel my legs anymore*

Bill: What took you so long Amiit
Bill: You suppose to prepare for us something to eat
Margrate: why you're calling me Amiit?? and I had to work for hours
Margrate: yet I've only pinnies

Bill: What's going on with you? You became like the walls in this house
Bill: we never talk, eat together. Nothing feels the same!
Bill: we became like a ghost family, and you're never here
Bill: tell me that's not our end, tell me I'm in a nightmare

Margrate: stop the platitudes Bill! You always over react
it's not easy for me either, but...
Bill: but what?? Don't think of selling your self
it will kill us, and every memory in the past... is our break off
Margrate: Let me speak the truth just don't disbelief

I've been working for the Queen Katherine
she asked me to write
and publish the saddest story of all, you could never imagine
I've been writing for months, I kept it safe

For us to build better days
live like the royals
we can buy more lands
and be away from all the wars

I thought of telling you million of times
lived with silence tourtering my senses
let me be your future, even your past
let me be your eyes that see only light

I've walked the miles for you
day and night with blood on my feet, for you
for once I feel so fearless and happy
I'm finally alive, don't you even worry

Once I thought our love is a fairy tale
thought it will never die
even in time of war and crime
now we can be together and survive

Oh Bill, I'd keep the love
I'd lay beside your dead body and grieve
I'd spill my blood if it'd make you smile
my world revolves around you, no one else

And the Queen will give me fortune
then we can rule everyone
she promised if I keep on writing for her
she'll reward me with gold and silver

imagine my love, how wonderful life would be
a magical life
happiness is our destiny
every blood and sweat we dropped will make us wealthy

Oh sweet Bill, why you're dropping those precious tears?
are you happy for us?
what came into your soul my love?
speak some words to me

Bill: what do you want me to say?
Margrate: speak the truth, only!
Bill: but I'm afraid to hurt you
I'd free the demon in you
Margrate: *laughed* demon!! I don't understand you

Bill: you asked for the truth, then you shall hear nothing but the truth
*the silence took over, I could hear his breath*
go on...
go on...

Bill: I know you've always dreamed to be a writer
I know we need the money to live, but not to be richer
I know the love we felt once isn't the same anymore
I left you years ago, you're still living in the past Margrate

Margrate: What?! Why you're talking to me like we aren't together anymore?!
tell me you love me!!
I can't believe a word Bill, not a word!!
let me love you forever, that's all I ever wanted

Bill: let me finish Margrate, hear me for once
let me speak the words you need to believe
don't say one more word, till I hold that weak body of yours
till you realize you're living in an imaginary world for years

*I cried, thinking of myself and my life never existed before*
*he let me down once more*
*I kept my mouth shut, for me to hear his beautiful voice*
*Oh how I cherish thee*

Bill: listen to me Margrate Parr, the reason why ...
you've been drifting away from reality
is not understood from us all
but you created your own world and thinking it's real

you've became like a dead body walking for years
we all know there's a demon controling your senses
your not the real Margrate, none of us can help you to be
you might find peace, and light. But you'll never be able to truly live

Margrate: you're talking nonsense again Bill
I shall not believe you, and your lies that made me ill
go on in your way and I'll serve the Queen till death
I'll write forever, or swell until I burst for what it's worth

Bill: can't you hear me for once in your miserable life?
I saved you, and gave you a home
while everyone is afraid of you and your demon
I held your hand and gave you all of my lovin

*That day he walked away*
*I still dream to be free but who am I fooling? I'm a prisoner in my own body*
I'll never be free
I'll never be free

-The end of part II-

I know why she cries (part I)

There never was a limit to my dreams
of all things I've been taught to believe
and let life bring me grace right here
dreams set me free from all of my fears

once I do, I hold my breath and smile
thinking of you and how you'd look like
a beauty of an angle and a white beam
a body of a knight and a smile of a prince that I'd love

never met that man, but I see him only when I dream
not crazy yet, nor am for creating an imaginary "life"
I live in a world doesn't yet exist
for you and for everyone else

O tenderness, he breathes too
my heart beat fast when he's near
can't feel my limps shaking
my soul is flying of nervousness

I love that beauty of your face
and that body that held your soul in
oh your eyes , I'd look into those scarlet eyes forever
and feel the same way every time I do

please be true, be true and hold me till I die
be the knight
be the gentleman that would cherish me
be my world, be everything I ever hoped for

Destiny might lead me to you
out of my craving soul, I prayed for his existence
and woke up on the sound of the rain drops on my roof
the night was not just any night

the sun came up, and I was serving the Queen
she whispered "it's the end", "it's near I can feel it Margaret"
I hesitated "are you alright my Queen?"
"you don't understand"
"I try to understand, my Queen"

she burst into tears, "forgive me O, Lord!"
"But I can help you" I said wooing
"unless you can put my pain into ease"
then she started to breath so fast as if she never did
and I begun to write the story of " the Queen Katherine Baratheon"

my dreams faded away, with every visit to the Castle
with every breath I take, I step further away
from everything I've lived and hoped for
under the command of the Queen I shall write for her evermore

her story, for one day to be told
to the world shall hear that tragic story
for her life to end soon
O God bless her soul

let me adjust to the sadness, and pain in my heart
that I've felt since she spoke those words of sadness
life never been easy before and it will never be now
I came to understand dreams are nonsense
when you dream; you live in that "nonsense" part of reality

wide awake at night, thinking of my Knight
and my Queen, which one I shall pursuit
the knight wont be here, not now not ever
but my Queen will give me fortune that I've never dreamed of

it's a matter of a choice, and time is not on my side
I shall work harder to feed my family
the source of my happiness
no more starving days, not a single day in the year

I ran the next morning with my bared feet
they bled till I reached the Queen's room
I asked her to forgive me for ruining her floor with my dirty bloody feet
she smiled "don't mind that, you served that floor for years"
"I shall write now my Queen"

She started of with stranger words than before;
"we are the night, the dark and everything evil
how our hearts became as strong as steel
and body with no tenderness and soul"

my whole life as a Queen, never enjoyed this luxury life
not a second, with all the money and lands I own
I've nothing to hold on to, am just poor as you
hollow as a bottle of wine

she stayed silent for few hours, and I kept waiting for her to speak
stood up and kept staring at her window
and never moved a side
but kept staring at that window, till it rained

"Go home now, and let me have some sleep"
"right away my Queen"
felt for her sorrow beneath that weak, skinny body
and the voice that's full of pain, with eyes full of tears

after that rainy night, we started off again
to complete the untold story of that beauty queen
sat where I can see her face clearly
and this time she brought a little black book

"shall we?"
"yes my Queen"
"make sure you write every word comes out of my mouth"
nodded in agreement


"I had a lover Margaret, a lover!!"
"yes of course my lady, My king and yours"
"my lover wasn't my husband and he'll never be" cried
"then who is he my lady, and what happen to that love of yours"

"Skip that part till another day, when the sunrises and the land starts to glow"
"as you wish my Lady"
smiled at me, "you serve me well Margaret Parr"
"it's my pleasure"

let me tell you how my heart aches
how it burns my soul, like the acids on my skin
everything was taken away from me
no exception, but I've realized life is not a ring on my finger

nonetheless, I believe in fire that burns the flesh
I believe in water that drowns the soul
I believe in all as well as the sun and the moon
I believe of a bravery man and his heart

with everything I see or even hear
and what I touch and taste
I shall behold thee within me
right here *touched her chest* till the end of the world


I shall believe till men drag me to my grave
with a pity in my heart for all those men
to live without that pure love and believe
but I only pity them who live among us
like stones no soul, no imagination or a slight of faith
in all and all that surrounds us with their existence

*Margaret Parr = the servant, the writer

*Katherine Baratheon  = the Queen

The Queen of my Heart

If our love was never a lie
we'd walk down the aisle
begin to hold your soft hands
and give those lips a sweet kiss


"I'd grant you everything I own and ever have"
look from thee
my lady you're a fine fantasy
dreamed of you for a century


a heart like yours, a better sweet symphony
when I look at you the only thought of  me is dreaming my lady
she smiled "I am there and here my love"
once I gave you a dream and now I give you life


trust the soul and doubt none
I am all yours; have faith in me for once
with those words she touched the depths of me
shivered with tears on my eye


I've owned the seas
with its lands
am the leader of all heroes
before me nothing existed and after it nothing comes


God gave me a treasure to protect, to cherish, and to love
she's like a shiny star when she smile
had a pure core that speaks from the heart
but sadly lived at the time of 'thrall'


beauty like hers!! my eyes never witnessed
I'd kiss her soft lips till they bleed
hold her body till she frowns
but she never say 'the angry words'


of all that time I've lived
with her and before her, purely she loved
that she never would tell me
how horrible I was to everyone


she's my queen, that never disobeyed
If she did, I could never  let her bind
those knees never bound to me
and her wide eyes didn't cry upon me


and finally came across that lady
that lead the king's heart to a beautiful fantasy
I love her like I never loved anyone
to her only the heart is supple.

In Time of Persecution

We have not seen the sun for days
walking through the deserts
craved the breeze of the flowers
and water to beat the thirsts

we've been mistreated
we've been misunderstood
our wives were raped
and brutally our children were killed

no mercy upon us, not now not ever
we're born to be outsiders, "I dream to be free''... never!
to fly like a little bird so far
far away from the suffer

cry upon me Mary
let there be light upon us Mary
come to me, guide me through this war that questioned our humanity
set my soul free and give me wings to fly

to fly..
fly in the sky..


I saw them die one after another, die like flies
I witnessed the history of the largest genocides
blood on my hands
blood every where I go, every where my soul cries

I saw them die...
I saw them ... die!

dreams faded away, to my heart and destroyed me all
from hope to a wish ..to be ill
to die today, right here on my cold bed.. am not a fool!
but a man with a wary head. Yet I feel!

feel the heart beat
closer to my chest
touched the soul, my core ... deepest!!
beneath I ache, of what I kept in " a thousands of sacrament"

I'd sanctify the soil of my country
fought with all of my power to see you one day
just a second, when I was away my whole life,... far far away!!
to pray on the land of all heros, that I've never seen... not today
not today..

I held that dream for generations
I held it in me, in the heart of my sons and daughters
tears upon my face, my heart still burning for my holy lands
that been taken from me forcefully, in seconds!

bring me victory O Lord! bring me victroy, for my children to live in peace
and honored under the fortune's eye
of what glory will provide.. from pride
"tears upon my face"

I'd cry for you,.. for ages!
those tears will never ease the pain nor heal my injuries
Oh son! humanity was lost down the drains
who to blame? for what we've lost? we lost our souls, grounds.. around we used to play

and worst of all, the pain is still there
living inside of me
increasing day by day, thousands of years.. believe me!
as you shall hear, grant me peace...
grant me peace...

on the saddened nights
we fought the war of our lives
we lost our women, children through the conflicts
got nothing to lose, nothing to gain after.. no life nor graces!

my people I call you, by the name of our beloved land
bring it back, to the man with pride... we once had
to the man that have no fear from "the end"

we lived...
we dreamed...
we struggled...
to win the battlel, cost us everything! "everything son" we once owned!

and you tell me, yet you can smile?
you tell me, life is still good around me?
you give me hope?
how life can be pleasant when I've no land, no family, nor history to remember... yet I bleed from head to toe!

God knows to frighten and dismay the enemy
lay them under a curse for eternity
let their bodies dry from poverty
and their children to live with disgrace and fragility. (Amen)




notes:
1-I used (God), (Mary), (Lord) because the poem is presenting a whole nation with different religions, faith, and beliefs.

I'll add more notes later

Longing

There's curiosity controlling the mind
there's fear against the creed
and eager for tomorrow's deed
but surely; I'll praise thee till the end

I believe in his smile
where I found a place I can call home
and peace
a word or a look upon his face; I smile

I thought I'll never be healed
with a glance I am freed
yet as he spoke to me; I smile as I could
and 'I love' is the only word in my mind

happy at heart?
to live life to the fullest
with his presence I'll be gladly the happiest
indeed, he's the sweetest of all yet the best!

O, God hear me
a command of his to set my soul on fire
to melt over the flame
and the love that'll never change

now, I'm more joyful and I can happily sing
to the stars and whatever it could bring
of his love to overcome me, or something!
I couldn't figure but am patiently waiting

I am a little scared my dear
of a tragic loss; that's my fear
please hear!
so, you and I wont have to suffer

I weep with devastation from my cruelty
I doubted you once, and that torn me apart dramatically
mind me, once I break I say things spontaneously
but believe me, I'd never dare to hurt you purposely

if I ever did, I shall have the power to undo it
and heal every wound on your body - I must!
not break your heart apart
and when you need me I'll be by your side, no doubt!

promise you I will never fail you, not my intention
to the last breath of me I'll keep it in
or I'm undone; if you asked me to fly upon
you - the only one in my core, no confusion

now, my dear to demonstrate my feelings for you
I'll leave the decision of it all up to you
clearly, because I dearly love you
forgive my words or deeds if they've once injured you

the words seems so hard to pronounce
so, I write!
it could be my only way to say words that are sincerely true
and yet no one else matter but you to me

last words to say
in silence you may read those words of my poetry
don't refrain after and don't go away
whatever happens I'll never change but I'll definitely stay

I'll say with honor
for the world to hear
I'll love you with all I've of power
then I should leave you happy after

The Shadow Of The Palm Trees

when the light of the sun comes upon
feels the warmth and touches my skin
and my hand on my chest
while the heart skipped a beat

sang for the lonely nights
on the empty roads
we walked through
no hesitations nor regrets beneath

lay the body on the green grass
and under the shadow of the palm trees
we laughed
and never glanced

how the love of two young hearts faded away
it flew.. you say?!
never imagined I'd never see your face
not a look on the pretty eyes of yours nor a touch once more

I lay on bed every night wondering and asking questions need to be answered
wondering what life gave you to forget the love we once had
can't find an answer
can't stop thinking... "shed a tear"

love O where you went?
the warmth of my soul and how my heart felt
when there was you beside me
all I wanted to be there forever and evermore

I had not let it all yet
you meant the world to me, that was in the past
but left me here to die
with no hope

one day you'll realize the world we lived in isn't going to be back
all we had is gone with the rain drops, if there's luck
my heart shall be healed
from all the scars your departure caused

how sad to say again
no man is worth to suffer and risk for, no man!!
but I believe you deserve everything I own
my soul, my heart my body my all! you are my man

came in to the heart for once and never left it at all
made my mind and it's final
I can't barely say how much it hurts to be alone
lonely friday's it shall be

it's cold when you're not around
the noises I can't hear but your voice is a melody
you shall give me life if you answer me
let me know you are watching me

waiting for me, you may promise?
let me know my love, you'll never leave
give me hope,
give me air to breath

oh my poor heart let this love go, you shall hear me "scream"
set my soul free, and give me reason to dream
under the palm trees; yet I believe in you
and bid farewell, dear lord, lest I should grieve you

The Secret Affair (Part I: The Mirror)

At dawn, he looked through the window with hope
he said; "the sunrise is marvelous to see"
what's on the mind, but thoughts of absurd belief
then start the day with a shiny smile

To live or to grieve? I ask myself ... every night
the answer is never found, not yet!
I held the short memories of him, indeed a delight
God only know what all of him "to me" meant

He was a knight with golden hand (s)
a man walking with his chest up with his sword on his left hand
brave enough to rescue the weak and his cruel world
from unfairness and violence it seemed

He choose none, I couldn't believe!
to fly with the stars, he dreamed once
"the moon I wanted to see", Closer, closer from my eye
thus; an Astronaut he became

He was great in all, I believe!
Oh a fair knight he'd be
God gave him knowledge and grace
and his name was....

His dreams... he wouldn't tell!
but the heart beneath his chest is true as a fine steel
with all he was not a man of faith never keep his promises, and always forgetful
absolutely tenacious, never frail

When he speak to me, at any day
he leaves me with joy
a smile on my face, nothing more to say
but to feel the warmth in my heart, is beyond to let it cross by

He make the heart of mine beats out of tune
the colder I get, just a thought of him and am never free
like a mirror in the hand, he looked with a glance
that's to say a mirror and the sword, magic I see!

10 Wonders of life (Part I: Appreciation)

Listen to the rain drops and let it washes your sins away
feel the warmth of the night but never with melancholy
close your eyes, let it be the end of the unpleasant day
pray to the Lord, with all his might and will's to take your soul peacefully
"I'm not proud of what I've done in this life."
as God gave me all what I need from grace
"live more, freely, I crave for a second chance."
silent in the night I shed the tears of a regret and of how my life was just a wasteon desire, 
and lust that controlled the mind and drove me like some sort of a machine
it's the reason of what I've became 
lost it all, my fortune, my faith and most importantly my love
Oh fade away my dreams, my all she owned the life of mine
She loved me when I am down to earth
she held me when I am in a bad health 
she appreciated me, even when I am out of cash
Oh that lady; the queen of my life
the saddest man is what I am now, 
how could I realize it that late "burst out crying" 
she's forever gone
if the end could justifies the means, how could it?
 it should be the end of life
but it never going to be my last
till I make a change of what's left
to God hear my voice in the night
and free me from this torment
running out of time, to go with my fate?
or live on those memories that'll keep hunting me till I lay in my grave
give me light, give me hope
a reason to live once more
I found her living in me
her sweet shiny smile
her lips were red as rose
beautiful soul she carried along, with the light on her face
I miss the whole of her embrace
her words; "and be true to me as I am to you." said she. 
and what she brought to my day. 
From laughter and peace
lots of love and grace
to me she'll remain here
a memory beneath these sheets with me of her warm body as if she still near
and her pleasant voice , Oh I can clearly hear
of her face; I see from far
but I rarely recall all of her
the way she talk and breath
I really miss you A'idah
learnt that we always leave the good apple and go for a cup of coffee
while the apple is a source of energy more than caffeine
but we tend to love the things that harm our bodies.
Remember; to appreciate what you've now before it vanishes.
The end

Between Spaces II

To the unknown I wrote
with passion and pleasure
explosion of feelings , it was an illustrate
'how much I treasure thee'

I kept on writing till dawn
of life and beyond, it's close no question
he wasn't like any other man
an Astronaut and I was a fan

walked on the golden sands
thankful of all God's graces
it makes me sad to live in this world! Where's hate, vanity and never ending wars
I dream of peace to warmth all hearts

with every passing moment
I aim for the best
to hope for tomorrow's deed to end with victory, he said 'it'll be alright'
but it's never alright to loose what kept my dreams alive, there was no comfort

the years passed and still I cry, I asked him 'let me grieve'
he gently replied 'never turn back'. But I disagree!
the past created me
I'll always recall the past of a tragic loss or a massive win; with a smile

was hard to believe I can finally see
'believe me! now I see'
I can see your charming smile
or your golden hair, oh my love I finally can see

I see the moon
or your beautiful eyes, 'you're a very handsome man'
he laughed 'Oh am I? Thank you my lady'. Surely he was not like any other man
I was proud of him, he walked like a champion

now I am sitting on my chair
I am aged and can't barely walk too far
he left years ago, and everyday I lived on his memory after
never forget him a second; he was my lifesaver.